I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
