Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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