Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
