It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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