and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
