It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
