I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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