How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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