I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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