you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
love makes seman taste better
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
