Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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