I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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