is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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