i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
