it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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