i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
