what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
