I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
