im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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