I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
