i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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