You just made me feel so damn special
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
