I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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