glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
