Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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