i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
