i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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