wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Congratulations! We have a period
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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