I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
