he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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