i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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