make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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