from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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