While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
