She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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