So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
