So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
