i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize