i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
