I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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