is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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