It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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