I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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