so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
