I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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