I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
