he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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