went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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