eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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