I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
