Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
