I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
