I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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