ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
