I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
