textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
