i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
