no. you can't hotbox the world.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
