So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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