Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize