Where did you get a picture of my penis
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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