when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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