Those balls look pretty dangerous.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
