I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
