Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
