I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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