apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
