It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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