Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
