Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
