I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
